haters from the sucka-free city
freestyln2 (12:18 AM): please don't ever call it paly again
lisa n da sky (12:18 AM): lol
lisa n da sky (12:18 AM): why not?
lisa n da sky (12:18 AM): mr. kandell called it that too
lisa n da sky (12:18 AM): ummmm i think i just answered my own question
lisa n da sky (12:18 AM): haha
freestyln2 (12:19 AM): cuz palo alto is not even close to being cool enough for that kind of nickname
lisa n da sky (12:19 AM): YES! that's so true!!!
lisa n da sky (12:20 AM): but writing palo alto takes so long
lisa n da sky (12:21 AM): i could save up that time and go to the beach
freestyln2 (12:21 AM): true
freestyln2 (12:21 AM): but not "paly"
freestyln2 (12:21 AM): something else
freestyln2 (12:21 AM): something like... wacktown
lisa n da sky (12:21 AM): how about
lisa n da sky (12:21 AM): yeah seriously
freestyln2 (12:21 AM): although i suppose that isn't any shorter either
lisa n da sky (12:21 AM): i was gonna say "palosucks"
lisa n da sky (12:21 AM): but yours was better
freestyln2 (12:21 AM): or crappy alot
lisa n da sky (12:21 AM): lol
lisa n da sky (12:22 AM): palo shitty-o
lisa n da sky (12:22 AM): ok let's stop
freestyln2 (12:22 AM): lol
lisa n da sky (12:22 AM): wait did you mean crappy alot? or crappy alto?
lisa n da sky (12:22 AM): both are applicable
lisa n da sky (12:22 AM): i was just wondering

aw shucks
jaime, your post was so nice. i thought i'd return the favor. i think i'm so freakin lucky to be able to hang out with folks from DC back here. it's cool how we can capture some small part of DC life when we get together. about friday night: don't even trip, since i was really high and couldn't have drove down to palo alto anyway. i went home and totally crashed. we'll work the "hot berkeley chick" thing down in stanford some other time. yeah, it was too bad rawhide sucked. reminded me of that time at Home in DC, except without alice puking (HA!). p.s., there aint nothin wrong with younger guys, man. equal opportunity...

this weekend was so hectic. friday night i escaped from work to see the yeah yeah yeahs at bimbos with some friends from cal. karen o kicks ass. she's my new idol. move over felicity...

saturday morning i went to the immigrant workers freedom ride rally in civic center to promote no on prop. 54. that was pretty cool, gray davis was there. when he said that he had just put dolores huerta on the uc board of regents, i completely thought he was joking, and laughed out loud. wtf? after that, freesia and i went to the beach at crissy field for few hours of vitamin d. i love indian summer. we came home and watched that salma hayek movie frida. didn't love it as much as i thought i would. damn she's got huge boobs. after that, we got all hooched up and rolled out to aforementioned rawhide, in soma. there was an ok sized crowd there, but almost no one was dancing, and the dj was horrible (milli vanilli!). i felt bad cuz i got a gang of friends from hs to come out and pay the $10 cover. oh well.

sunday was a scorcher, so freesia and i went to ocean beach for a little to lay out, and then i went with cherry to the polk street festival. it was already over by the time we got there, but we still bought some cute jewelry (isn't that all street fairs are good for?!). cherry also dragged me into good vibrations, this famous sex shop, and then proceeded to clown me when i wouldn't touch the dildos. i've got limits, yo. we actually looked for that rabbit dildo from sex and the city fame, but couldn't find it. afterwards, i speedracered it down to palo alto to hang with my favorite cohorts of the APA intelligentsia at stanford. i've decided i fucking hate the south bay. the drive down there made me mad sleepy, and it's really boring on 280. it really is the armpit of the bay area. hanging out with owen never changes much (chain-smoking and hours of navel-gazing) but it was a good time with him and the vanguard of apa grassroots organizing.

DAMN! jaime just told me we missed family day. we were planning to have an 801 family dinner tonight. damn.

time for bed. zzzzzz. sorry this entry was a bit diary-like. i'll try harder next time.

oh, dalai lama...


During his current tour of the United States, the Dalai Lama has confirmed his status as the world's No. 1 feel-good guru, reaching across boundaries of culture and religion. Who could fail to admire a spiritual leader who, fresh from meeting President Bush and Secretary of State Colin Powell, tells Harvard students to spend less time on their studies and more on becoming nice people, and makes them laugh by telling how he hit a parrot with a stick when he was "a young, naughty Dalai Lama?"

there is no modern romance
haven't had much time for "reflection" lately. things are mad hectic, i work 11 hour days, and when i come home i just eat dinner, chat for a little, have one meaningful conversation with whoever happens to call me that night, and then crash. quite a change of pace from the past three weeks of waking up at noon and hanging out with frees all day.

some stuff going through my mind:
-i've been shaking the creases out of my DC work clothes for the past week. oh, i've missed thee. but sf is still too casual to wear my work shoes.
-this whole east coast hurricane thing has got me thinking about what we'd be doing in DC if we were all there now. i envision something like all of us holed up in 1327 or 801, and what else? getting faded and partying. also, for those of you actually on the east coast, fyi, no one here cares! i mentioned it to three people and none of them knew what i was talking about. the big news here is the recall postponement and THE GIANTS.
-i was in berkeley on tuesday and it was pretty annoying. first, i was like three people away from getting into the connerly debate (which he didn't even show up to). then we went to henry's and it took us 45 minutes NO JOKE to get drinks. how annoying.
-i saw "thirteen" with biff on sunday night. let's just say it's not the feelgood movie of the summer. but it did remind me of those awkward, angry teenage years. i don't think i've managed to shake the angry thing yet, and, i'm sure some would argue, the awkward part, either. it's a really powerful film, and the acting is superb. it made me glad i'm not a teen anymore, though.
-i love college radio!!!

that's it for now. like i said, haven't had enough time for "reflection."

oh one more thing. i was reading something that said that exploring a new city is like falling in love: scary, exciting, intimidating, full of adventure. it's a good analogy. maybe that explains the bad case of wanderlust. travelling is a piece of cake compared to love.

last thing! i'm going to see the yeah yeah yeahs tomorrow. thanks to christine and almost every other friend for setting me straight. i'm going to make karen o proud.

"i thought of you today when everyone was all pissed at me."

thanks, j.

oh, i've got a new gig, too. full-time, unpaid, hardest i've ever worked in my life.

this was an actual conversation from dinner tonight at grammy's house:

aunt karen: "so laurie, how far into that book are you?"
laurie: "i'm on like page 8."
aunt karen: "really? you are a slow reader."
laurie: "i only read a little bit before i go to bed!"
aunt karen: "hmm well you've had it for a week now....so that means you read about a page a day?"

another conversation between my uncle and aunt, about my grammy:
uncle randy, to my grammy: "you could use some teeth whitening."
aunt karen: "nah she's too old. old people have no use for white teeth."

yes, harshness runs in my family, esp. on the chinese side!

lisa n da sky (12:26 AM): damn what am i gonna wear
lisa n da sky (12:26 AM): ?!?
itz just j a i (12:26 AM): time to shop!
itz just j a i (12:26 AM): something sexy and hoochie
itz just j a i (12:26 AM): you know, usual lisa outfits

captApHAB (7:30 PM): what going on with the govt. job you've got lined up
lisa n da sky (7:31 PM): i haven't contacted my boss yet, but i will
lisa n da sky (7:31 PM): i wasn't sure if i should call, email, or just send my resume
lisa n da sky (7:32 PM): what do you think?
captApHAB (7:32 PM): i would call
captApHAB (7:32 PM): since you already know the person
lisa n da sky (7:32 PM): what should i say?
lisa n da sky (7:32 PM): i'm thinking of sending her an email
captApHAB (7:32 PM): you didn't already discuss the potential job?
lisa n da sky (7:32 PM): i did.
lisa n da sky (7:33 PM): but i don't know how to say "what's up with my job, yo?"
captApHAB (7:33 PM): just leave out the yo and you'll be okay
captApHAB (7:33 PM): but start with dude

it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me
i've just dusted off about a fifth of a pint of ben and jerry's cherry garcia after a "men are from mars, women run from penis" session with dave. it's one of those talks with a member of the opposite sex (pun intended!) after which you feel like you've rubbed your eyes and looked upon your relationship history with a complete comprehension of it. it all makes sense now! all the misunderstandings, seemingly mixed signals, definitely mixed feelings. all the crawling under bedcovers and wishing it was all gone once you re-emerged. all the interpreting and re-interpreting words, phrases, motions, actions, non-actions.

and none of it was anything i hadn't heard before. i guess it's just that every once in a while you need a guy to remind you. cuz you sure as hell don't believe it when a girl says it.

so here it goes, ladies, even though i know you won't listen to me when i write it. i don't want to repost the entire conversation here, so this is the essence: guys think with their little head 98% of the time. girls, however, misinterpret the thoughts of this little head to be the thoughts of the man's bigger head, or more likely, his heart. this is a mistake made by both naive, trusting, romantic 13-year-old teenage girls and cynical, surly, sarcastic 22--going-on-23 women alike. i'm sure this is the kind of mistake one could conceivably make for one's entire life. nice guys, shady guys -- they're all the same, see, because they all have a little head. the "nice" guys just try harder to disguise the fact that they think with it. but do not misunderstand: they think with it just as much as "shady" guys do.

so, see? i've cracked the code of how men work. i mean, i'm sure this is just a way to put the blame on men for my misfortunes instead of on my own fears of commitment, relationship neuroses, and *gasp* the omnipresent anxiety that my personality and looks just aren't sparkling enough for slightly above average guys.

but, fuck it. i'm feeling good.

another priceless gem from the superlative SFGate Morning Fix (subscribe now, salvation can be yours):

Dalai Lama Says Shut The Hell Up And Quitcher Bitchin'
The Dalai Lama dedicated an interfaith temple Sunday and urged his audience of several thousand people to be religious and choose a faith. "Religion should implement. The teachings should be part of our life," the exiled Tibetan spiritual leader said during the second stop on a 16-day U.S. tour. "If there are people who don't have much interest in religion, they will see negatives," he said. "What the hell is wrong with you punkass college dweebmonkeys anyway?" he added, grabbing the microphone from the stand and launching into one of his trademark inspirational fiery tirades. "What, you think it's all about Jesus and thin bland little wafers stuffed in your mouth by a horny priest and kneeling and subservience and guilt? You think religion means you get to shirk responsibility for your goddamn life and fork it all over to some bearded angry dude and his bleeding-heart son? What are you, slug bait? Intellectual meal worms? Spiritual slurm? Let me tell you a little something ! about suffering and faith, OK? Let me tell you about these Chinese stormtrooper scumsuckers and their little Communist police forces that swarm into your temple in the middle of the night and torch your one good rice bowl and drive you out of your homeland, OK? I've been wearing the same damn robe for eighteen years, you feel me? Now, who wants pie?"

got this message through friendster today, from a person i'm connected to through two cal folks:

hey mondrian's really cool. i took history of art 186a last
semester at Cal, the course really gave me a new
appreciation for his works. they've got a kind of subtle
beauty.... very fragile but somehow loud at the same
time....

anyway i noticed the pocket constitution + fountainhead in
your self-description..... should i take by that that you're
libertarian/objectivist/classical liberal?

i'll comment here, since i think some might also be confused by these references in my friendster profile.

the pocket constitution is a sly reference to my summer school teacher mr. chris green, not a statement of a belief in the predominance of individuals' rights over the state. the fountainhead is a book that has been mentioned/offered/recommended to me many times throughout my life, yet i have never read it, and highly likely never will. many of the other things i list in my profile are also elusive, though oft-mentioned to me. it's strange how such things keep occurring in my life.

piet mondrian made me believe in art. when i saw "Broadway Boogie Woogie", i understood it immediately. it hit me in the chest. it just made sense. i'm not sure if i first saw it in an art history book in a library in birmingham or in new york city's moma. either way, it stuck with me.

while abroad, i wrote a paper comparing mondrian's piece with Camille Pissarro's"Le Pont Boieldieu a Rouen, soleil couchant":

The sensations of the painter (and by extension the viewer) are paramount in both works; a naturalistic representation of the cityscape is secondary or even unimportant to both artists. However, it would be incorrect to say that neither painter was concerned with realism; in fact, Mondrian wrote in 1942 that his main object was always realism. But he believed that natural representation revealed nothing about an object; he progressively came to see that the truth must be achieved by abstraction. Mondrian’s art was a reality of the mind, not of the eye. He wanted his paintings to be formations where “an emotion in the artist is evoked in the beholder through a situation offered to his senses, not through an account of the emotion itself.” In Broadway, this is achieved by the placement of repeated but randomly colored small blocks of color within the yellow bands. This construction represents Mondrian’s impression of the perpetual motion of people, traffic, and flashing lights that can be found in midtown Manhattan, especially in Times Square. Instead of simply reconstructing the scene realistically, he paints a scene that evokes the same awestruck, overwhelmed, and excited response from the viewer by assaulting the senses with flashy colors and commotion on the canvas. “The title points to the inspiration of music and dance, but without knowing the title, one world think of music in seeing this wonderfully lively, colorful, jazzy canvas,” writes Meyer Schapiro. Likewise, those who view it immediately understand the work, especially since it happens to be on display in midtown Manhattan at the Museum of Modern Art: the viewer feels what Mondrian felt because he/she is just steps away from it.

mondrian taught me to appreciate modern art. it's fun, it's playful, it's inquisitive, it's self-reflexive, it's socially conscious, it's meta. in my life, i think i'm always in pursuit of the feeling i felt the first time i saw mondrian's work: exhilaration, happiness, and that click where it all makes sense.

quotes of yesterday:

freesia: "do you even know me, teen people?"
lisa: "i'm trying to have a serious conversation with you about whether or not you would date yourself, and you're not even taking it seriously!"
mtv on tony hawk: "he was a skater boy...he said 'see ya later virginity.'"

from the mixed-up files...
From: lisa
To: anne
Subject: more signs that the grading system at cal is FUCKED
Date: Sat, 07 Jun 2003 16:05:50 -0700

you wanna know about how things will never be the same? i realized last night that for the next ten weeks, it will be impossible to just drink on a weeknight, since i'll have to work at 9 am during the week. so i'll have to restrict my drunkenness to just friday and saturday nights. this is it.

yeah i'm glad i didn't go down if it was overcast. well my flight for DC leaves in about seven hours. i'm all packed and ready to go. the fourth of july is in less than a month, if you want to make plans to visit...

i can't believe i'm going to have to wake up at 9 AM for the next ten weeks!!!! horrors.

lisa

On a political note, [Britney] Spears also confided that she supports President Bush and doesn't care for celebrities who criticize the war on Iraq, saying: "Honestly, I think we should just trust our president in every decision that he makes, and we should just support that and be faithful in what happens."

lisa n da sky (1:24 PM): oh man, everyone at the club was asking me what 801 was
itz just j a i (1:24 PM): hahahah
lisa n da sky (1:24 PM): cuz i posted it on friendster
lisa n da sky (1:24 PM): 801 style
itz just j a i (1:24 PM): hahahah
lisa n da sky (1:24 PM): hella funny
itz just j a i (1:24 PM): we've created a new "phrase"
lisa n da sky (1:24 PM): haha everyone wants to get in 801
itz just j a i (1:24 PM): hahhaha
itz just j a i (1:24 PM): can u blame them

no paparazzi, please
lisa n da sky (1:37 AM): jaime's friend was like you look familiar, i've seen your face on the internet
lisa n da sky (1:37 AM): and i was like wtf?!
allyp0o (1:37 AM): HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
allyp0o (1:37 AM): PORNOGRAPHY
allyp0o (1:37 AM): didn't u know?
lisa n da sky (1:37 AM): and he was like is there something called the lisa look?
allyp0o (1:37 AM): u're all over the placE!
allyp0o (1:37 AM): hahahahaha
allyp0o (1:37 AM): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
lisa n da sky (1:37 AM): funny cuz earlier that day margot's cousin stopped me in urban outfitters
lisa n da sky (1:38 AM): and said she knew who i was
lisa n da sky (1:38 AM): from pictures
allyp0o (1:38 AM): dude i'm trying hella hard not to laugh too loud right now
allyp0o (1:38 AM): hahahahahahaha
allyp0o (1:38 AM): HAHAHAAHAHA
lisa n da sky (1:38 AM): damn those fucking dc pics get around
lisa n da sky (1:38 AM): i know, i was like naked pictures?
allyp0o (1:38 AM): HAHAH SO FREAKING HILAROUS

scene from around lin's birthday party:
me: "let's do hungover swimming tomorrow morning!"
rj: "uh yeah, so i can like gulp the entire pool?"

does anyone else dream about ice water after a night of drinking? i dream about ice water all night long, in every scene of my dreams. cup after glorious cup of ice water. and when i start waking up, i want whoever is nearby to bring me a cup. sometimes i even delude myself into thinking that a cup of ice water will be sitting prettily next to my bed when i open my eyes. weird thing is, when i do wake up and get myself a cup, it's never EVER as good as it was in my dream. maybe it has to do with the crushed ice in my ice water in my dreams, as opposed to the cubes in reality. how does crushed ice make things taste better?

"what kind of friend is always hiding?" -- from "y tu mama tambien"
it's really interesting how after you graduate from college, life becomes disturbingly similar to life in high school. "what do you want to do?" "i dunno, whatever." today for example freesia and i went to king of thai on taraval and then stonestown. a trip to tart would have made the regression complete. the main difference is the alcohol involved and the greater variety of bars/clubs to choose from. i'm now driving the same car i drove when i was a junior in high school ("let's go to jamba mods 8/9/10") and hanging out with the same crew from lowell. granted the problems we face today are of a different nature: group trips to 24-hour walgreens in emergency situations, detailed descriptions of bikini waxes, searching for jobs, guys, and the elusive perfect "bite the knuckle" outfit. the game has changed, but the players stay the same.

tonight i kicked it with my two favorite girls from homeroom 105 at presidio middle school (class of 95), kimi and biff. we watched "y tu mama tambien" just because i hadn't seen it yet, and we were all just in that mood, the "let's live vicariously" mood, let's call it. during the movie, biff and i made plans to pick up four high school guys (two for each of us), take a road trip, and make a movie called "and your mom too." younger guys, man, younger guys.

i think the fact that my girlfriends have such extensive let's call it historical memory can be a little disconcerting at times. there's always tension between the you who you were 8 or 10 or 15 years ago and the you who you are today, and it's your friends who will notice and comment on it. it's the true friends who let you evolve and who love you for sometimes being a hypocrite or doing things that are out of your character. i do love, however, how we can be frank with one another about topics that we have to dance around or approach delicately with other people we've only recently met. it's hilarious to make fun of each other about our past actions, clothes, personality tics, and let's say, indiscretions. damn, i've got the best friends on earth. and they're not the kind who are always hiding. ;)

all ya gotta do is say yes
sometimes the heat makes people go crazy. it's like in a streetcar named desire -- people are hot and sweaty and cranky and impatient and inflamed with passions that they can't control. every impulse seems magnified until it nearly jumps out of your skin. you want to hit someone one second, and the next you want to kiss them. hard.

and it's tough to figure out which you want to do more.

maybe it has to do with the temperature of your body. maybe it has to do with the heat wearing down on a person, bringing them to their boiling point. maybe it has to do with the mosquitos, or the torrential rain, or the pounding sun. maybe it has to do with looking for activities to do indoors to beat the oppressive humidity outside. maybe it is as simple as wearing less clothing in the heat -- a flash of thigh or abs or calf or forearm, or a little bit of sweat on the collarbone. a miniskirt, say...

in one of the early scenes in the movie, marlon brando strides into the cramped apartment, just home from work. he's sweaty and dirty and thirsty. he's wearing a tight sweatstained tee shirt that shows off his muscles. you know that vivien leigh is looking at him in the same way that you're looking at him because there is no other way to look at him. at that moment you feel what she feels--yes, he's your sister's husband. but man do you want to jump him.

and is that really such a bad thing? should you feel guilty if you don't think it is? can you just plead heat insanity?

so you solemnly pack your bags and dream of the creeping fog and chilly winds from the bay and the way streetlights in the mist look so peaceful when you stumble home drunk at 3 am after a night out in north beach or lombard street. you hope the fog will cool your veins, slower your heartbeat, ice your skin. you look forward to turtleneck sweaters and jeans. you look forward to quiet nights at tart, or borders, or at frees' watching felicity season 1 DVDs and eating kettlecorn (two coke minimum still in operation). you want the sanity that the cool bay air brings.

but when you get off the plane, waiting with anticipation for the ice in the san francisco air to hit your face, you realize there is something very wrong. because there is no icy breeze. you're feeling a little bit warm under your hoody. it's actually hot in the city. so the itch remains under your skin, urges bubbling just beneath the surface.

your family teases that you've brought the hot weather back with you from the east coast.

but honestly you wish you had just left it all back there.

more post-DC comedown testimonials
CherryOs (11:38 PM): shit, i almost feel like i need more a of shock factor for my nerves when i party
CherryOs (11:39 PM): here in berkeley
CherryOs (11:41 PM): really, it was disappointing
CherryOs (11:42 PM): i kept thinking in my head when folks were "freaking" or acted like it was hella bomb, thinkin' in my head "hommie, ain't no party like the partying we fuckin' did this summer"
CherryOs (11:43 PM): damn lisa
CherryOs (11:43 PM): coming back to berkeley, i feel like a different person after this summer
CherryOs (11:43 PM): i didn't know them 8 weeks of all that crazy shit we did did all this to us!