from the sfgate morning fix newsletter, which you should all be subscribed to:

A Bass Player Is A Lonely Hunter
Incubus is parting ways with its bass player, Dirk Lance, with the rockers citing "creative differences," which usually means the bassist wanted to get even more stoned during rehearsal but everyone else was already plenty stoned so the bassist just sat there all grumpy and refused to play and everyone was all like, whatever, dude if you can't hang, like, maybe you should go do a solo album or play in Celine Dion's backing band in Vegas, bitch, which set the bassist like, off, given how most bass players are totally nuts to begin with and who deeply believe no one can understand their deep and profound pain, or whatever. "We, as a band, would love to express our gratitude towards Dirk for an amazing 12 years of artistry and dedication," said singer Brandon Boyd, his hella cute ringlet curls glistening like god's own candy. "Now who wants to bring me twelve nubile porn star virgins, some premium olive oil, and a large snake?" he did not add, tenderly.