roads
in hawaii, i stuck my nose in julian barnes' talking it over, and there's an interesting distinction made in the story, between falling in love and being in love. you see how falling in love is different from "the chase"? i hate it when people say they love "the chase" -- it sounds so vulgar and void of emotion. i feel like the chase delineates the hanging out, the "i'm breezy" phone calls, and the "it's not a date" dates part, the "do you like me?" bit. who could really like prefer that part of it? sure, it's an essential component, but it's also so juvenile, so middle school, like eating animal crackers before your soy sauce soaked tender veal cheeks. falling in love is different from the chase. it's the time of discovery, of "firsts," of having to be near each other all the time, of being perfectly content to lie in bed all day and chat, stuff that slips away after a while, when you settle into the comfortable and somewhat complacent "being in love" phase. the "being in love" phase definitely has its perks, but i think overall i prefer the falling in love part the best out of everything. it only happens once in the relationship and for a finite amount of time, which makes it all the more sweet.

it's a weird feeling, being able to see the end from the beginning. relationships are supposed to be full of promise starting out, but i think there's also a sense of fatality there, an unshakeable feeling that the end (as inconceivable as it seems) will be bloody or at the very least turbulent. there is no modern romance.

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an interesting read: the politics of the lonely crowd