for four years, between senior year of high school to our third year of college, my high school crew had a thanksgiving potluck at crystal's house. called "phat potluck," this was no small affair: we spent frenzied nights making lists of who we would invite (mostly friends from high school), figuring out who would be calling who (this was before evite), what we were going to bring, and most important of all, what we were going to wear. there was usually a good turnout. the largest ones were the first two. we judged the success of the party on the size of the pile of shoes in front of crystal's door, and for the first two years, the shoe pile was so big that we took pictures of it.

friends of various intimacy levels would drift in and out of the rooms, chatting, eating, laughing. boys would invariably be congregated downstairs playing video games. upstairs would be filled with people picking from the table laden with food in the dining room or talking in the living room. crystal's windows would be fogged up from the heat in the room. random people were thrown together to nibble, make conversation, and have a few laughs. there was the soccer team, the school newspaper folk, shield and scroll members, friends from college who went to different high schools in SF, current and former love interests, current and former boyfriends, my sister even stopped by one year.

and of course there was us, "the math wing crew," the nucleus. crystal, our wonderful hostess, would be running around the place, always decked out in an eye-catching outfit and complicated makeup. freesia would be sitting somewhere, flirting with her current crush and attempting to appear nonchalant in front of her past crush at the same time. loni would be making fun of someone, elani would be trying hard to chat up the outsiders, kristin would be telling a crazy story, nina, chizu, ali, kat, the whole crew would be there, adding a different element to the party.

in the last few years, the number of guests has dwindled--people lose touch, friends come and go, there were college and familial commitments, study abroad, and we stopped inviting people much further beyond our core group. finally, two years ago, our beloved tradition came to an end.

it's hard to imagine that we had such a great time without any alcohol. but times change. this year ali, kat, rich, frees and i celebrated being together again by going to 26 mix, a bar in the mission. it was almost completely empty, but the drinks were $2, and the jukebox and pool tables were free. we racked up a bunch of games, numerous rum and cokes, gin and tonics, and an entire glass of really good snack mix. i had so many drinks i lost count, but i suspect i doubled my magic number last night. it was almost unspoken that we would be going to seniore's on 19th and taraval after the bar. we picked up our pizza, and invited ourselves over to crystal's, more out of the necessity to pee than desire to see crystal. crystal patiently let us in, and we stuffed our faces and watched LOTR with her downstairs. i couldn't help but think with nostalgia of thanksgivings past, when the room would be filled with bodies. but at the same moment, i was so thankful for what i had: my very best friends from high school (and still fairly close today), all in the same room, drunk and gorging ourselves on greasy food, watching the movie that we had so much fun watching together a year ago. it was hands down the happiest i've been in months. i think i forget how much i truly love my friends and how happy they make me because i see them so infrequently. phat shoe pile or no, those are my girls.