interesting piece on black men and asian women couples
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another great story from one of my new favorite writers, on the makeover show 'what not to wear.'

i've watched this a number of times with my mom and aunt, but was quickly turned off by how harsh they are to women who seem genuinely nice.

While public humiliation is de rigeur for reality programming, what makes “What Not to Wear” painful to watch is that none of its participants resemble the attention-hungry contestants on “Survivor” or “Real World.” These are, for the most part, really nice women, many of whom are working moms with low-level white-collar jobs who simply don’t have the money or time to preen in front of the mirror.

As the 19th century U.S. sociologist Thorstein Veblen observed in his book, The Theory Of The Leisure Class, “[O]ur apparel is always in evidence and affords an indication of our pecuniary standing to all observers at first glance. … [D]ress, therefore, in order to serve its purpose effectively should not only be expensive, but it should also make plain to all observers that the wearer is not engaged in any kind of productive labour.” So it isn’t surprising that a number of the tips doled out by the experts have little connection to the real lives of the women they’re making over. When one woman refuses to buy “dryclean only” clothes, Kelly and London are dismissive and impatient. Fashion has always been about class in the literal sense, and aesthetics aside, the women’s greatest fashion crime seems to be that they aren’t rich.

Worse, the show pretends that the women’s emotional debasement is “for their own good”—just like the tough love meted out by a Marine drill sergeant. “What Not to Wear’s” distinctly military approach is all the more striking when compared to the maternal attitude of its male counterpart, “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,” where male participants are instead coaxed, teased and gently jollied into changing their wicked sartorial ways. While “Queer Eye” does offer a message of self-improvement — “it’s you, only better” — it does not make the same connection between self-esteem and attire. When men dress badly, it’s because they’re clueless, lazy or just plain incompetent. Not only is their sense of self not invested in how they look, but the so-called “Fab Four” are careful to handle their male participants’ egos with appropriate care and respect.

Interestingly, the hosts of “What Not to Wear” also take a kinder, gentler approach in their rare shows featuring a man. The critique is far milder, and tempered by fulsome compliments: “You’re a well-formed young man;” “You’re a prime piece of beef.”

When it comes to women, however, the hosts assume that they have nothing to lose, especially their pride. After all, what self-respecting woman would match pink polka-dotted boots with an ill-fitting candy stripe dress? More importantly, the show reveals how so-called fashion gurus constantly reiterate the most retrograde ideas about femininity in the name of style. Women are continually derided for looking “slutty,” “cheap and nasty,” or “trashy,” and cautioned against “sending the wrong message”—even as the frumpy ones are urged to show more flesh. Host Jessica London’s favorite word is “appropriate,” because women need to look, and—by the show’s logic—be proper at all times.

What’s sad is just how eager the women are to be transformed even at the expense of their dignity. Each episode ends with the participant beaming in delight and gratitude at how wonderful they look and feel. This reveals the depressing reality that women are no strangers to shame, which is a constant presence lurking on the edges of our daily lives. All it takes is an incautious look in the mirror in the morning; a dress that won’t fit at the mall; a careless remark from a boyfriend. Being a feminist just redoubles the sense of failure, since the very experience of shame points to our inability to escape the binds of socialization.